When Good Intentions Go Bad

This happened to me several years ago, when I was much younger and naive.  It has to be classified as one of those moments that are a bit mortifying at the time, but in retrospect is truly hysterical.

I was going out with a really nice guy that I had met for a few months at that time. We had moved in together, and of course were exclusive with each other. It had got to the point where we were not using condoms anymore. I mean, I was on the pill, neither of us had an STD, so why would we need them?  In any event, we had been enjoying sex for quite some time.  Looking back, I realize that he was the first person that I had oral sex with. I was only passable at it, but he was amazing. Boy could he get me off!

Somehow that was not enough for me. I was an avid reader and had read about those great orgasms that women in those books always had with their lovers. I wanted to be able to feel that sensation that they described. You see, the issue was that even though he was great at oral sex, he just had no staying power at all with conventional sex. He was just so good at the oral that I was pretty happy for the most part, but I longed for that feeling that I had read about. I mean, it just felt so good for the short time that he was in there that I was sure that my head would come off if he could last longer.

Being somewhat frustrated, and because I would not talk to anybody I knew about it, I felt compelled to take the initiative to correct the problem all by myself.  I had noticed a sex shop near where I worked, and one day I sort of skulked into the place. After a while, I approached the sales lady and explained my problem.  She smiled and said that it was very common, especially with younger men. She said that she had a numbing cream that would desensitize everything and help him to last longer. It appeared to be what I would need, so I bought it from her and took it home with me.

For the rest of the day, time dragged. I had in my hot little hands the formula that would change my sex life forever. It would move my sex life up about a hundred notches at least! I had been waiting my whole adult life for this! I was going to have the kind of orgasm that would make the gods weep, make the earth stop in its orbit, and make a fifty dollar prostitute jealous!

That night, as I was getting ready for bed, I squeezed some from the tube and applied it liberally to my pussy. I could feel the effects immediately! As I got into bed, I left no doubt in his mind that I wanted to make love with him. We kissed long and passionately, then he started to kiss me on the neck, then my nipples. I was going wild. At that point, he started to lick my pussy!

I was waiting for my usual response to his tongue, but something was wrong. It did not feel right! I was just not feeling him like normal. I kept telling him to go faster. Pretty soon I was screaming it! When I looked at him, his eyes were wide in panic. He tried to say something but all that came out was “AHHU HUAM MUHA”. He could not seem to talk! He ran to the bathroom and started to rinse his mouth out with water. In a desperate measure, he started to wash his mouth with soap, but all that did was make him gag. He still could not talk.  It took about a half hour for everything to settle down enough that he could talk.

He asked me if I knew what had happened.  When I explained my problem, he looked at me strangely and then asked to see the tube. Reading the instructions he just looked at me and shook his head. He asked me if I had read the instructions, and I said no. When he asked my why not, I said that the woman in the store told me what to do. She told me I just had to rub it on.  He said that had I actually read the instructions, I would have known to rub it on him rather than on me.  Not only that, but the instructions on the tube said that under no circumstances should you engage in oral sex!

At first I was mortified. Then I started chuckling. Of course laughing is infectious and as we both started to laugh. Pretty soon we were both rolling on the floor stark naked. It was hysterical!

Well several years have gone by, and I am a lot more worldly. As it turns out, that was not my last trip to a sex shop, but I always read the instructions completely, and do exactly as they say.  Unfortunately, our relationship did not last for very long after that night. His career took him some place I could not go. But of all the men I have loved, he is the one that I always smile about when I think of him.

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