What a Banana

I communicated with a guy online that a friend of mine had given my messenger address to, we chatted for about two months. We finally decided to meet for lunch one day as a way to see if anything more would develop. He lived quite some distance from me, but agreed to meet me on my turf. He showed up in an old truck (and I mean old) it looked like it had once belonged to “Jed Clampett”!

I greeted him and things started to go downhill even more quickly. He looked like he just came from a construction site, he was completely unkempt and his clothes were dirty, dusty and smelly. He told me that I would have to drive his truck to the restaurant. When I asked why he told me he was afraid that his foot would go through the floor as it was rotted away and he wasn’t sure if the piece of cardboard and duct tape he had placed there would hold.

We went to a small Chinese buffet for lunch. It was nice and the food was excellent. Things seemed to be looking up a bit, but that was short lived.  After telling me how nice I looked, always nice to hear, he proceeded to tell me that he only had two toes on one foot (like I really gave a shit) and how he had lost them as a child playing with his father's rifle. He then told me that he did not have a job. He had lied to me so I would go out with him. He was about to be evicted from his friends garage of all things. That was where he was living. He then told me he had no job prospects, no money and he knew he was not too attractive. He sobbed and cried hysterically saying if I didn’t want him he was going to shoot off the toes on his other foot. What could I do but just pat his hand and tell him to be patient that there is someone out there for him and that things will work out for him eventually. He did not have enough money to pay for my lunch so we had to go dutch; at which point we went to my apartment.

As we stood at my apartment door he remembered that he had bought a gift for me and that he had left it in the truck. He asked me what my favourite colour was and I said it was yellow. He then ran down the hall in excitement. I was kind of curious about what he would give me that was yellow. I soon found out. He came back with some ripe bananas for crying out loud. I was stunned!. At this point I was informed that since he had too much to drink, he would have to spend the night. Holy cow! I tried to push him out the door. He was very reluctant to leave so I did the only thing I could do. I threw bananas at him until he ran out the door as I slammed it! He continued pounding on my door saying let me in. I told him to take his bananas and go or I would call the police; so he left.

It proved to be a costly date. I have since moved and no longer allow my friends to fix me up.

I am going to try an online dating site. They guarantee anonymity. Hopefully the guys their can come up with something other than just their bananas to keep me happy.

Online Dating Sites