Take Your Bananas And Go

I sort of fell into communicating with a guy online for a couple of months because my best friend gave him my messenger address. We finally decided to meet for lunch one day as a way to see if anything more would develop. He lived quite some distance from me, but agreed to meet me on my turf. He showed up in an old truck (and I mean old) it looked like it had once belonged to “Jed Clampett”!

I greeted him and things started to go downhill even more quickly. He was rather dusty and had grease on his hands, and apologized saying that the truck had broken down on the way over. He insisted that I drive, and when I got in and saw a gaping hole in the passenger floor boards, I understood why.

We decided to go to an Chinese buffet. It was nice and the food was quite tasty. My assumption that things were getting better were unfortunately short lived.  After telling me how nice I looked, always nice to hear, he proceeded to tell me that he only had two toes on one foot (like I really gave a shit) and how he had lost them as a child playing with his father's rifle. He said that he had told me that he had a job so that I would not think him a loser. He was about to be evicted from his friends garage of all things. That was where he was living. Then this loser started to blubber that he had nothing. No job, no prospects and he knew that he was not good looking. He was so annoying it was pathetic. Rather than beat him about the head and shoulders with a baseball bat like I desperately wanted to, I just bit my tongue and consoled him. I said that he just had to be patient and the right one would come along. It just would not be me. He paid for lunch and then he took me back to my apartment.

He told me he had a gift for me in the truck and said he hoped that yellow was my favorite color. I told him it was and he seemed pleased as he raced away. I wondered what the heck he could have for me that was yellow, and I soon found out. He returned a few minutes later with some over-ripe bananas. I didn't know weather to laugh or cry so I did neither. Instead I just stood there in awe. At this point I was informed that since he had too much to drink, he would have to spend the night. I told him (over my dead body) and tried to push him out the door. He was very reluctant to leave so I did the only thing I could do. I attacked him with my bananas, hurling them at him until he backed up into the hall, then I slammed the door! He pounded on the door for me to let him in but I would not budge. I told him to take his bananas and go or I would call the police; so he left.

It was the most expensive date I have ever been on. I felt compelled to move, and change my messenger id and email address. My friends know better than to give out my information to casual acquaintances anymore.

I am going to try an online dating site. They guarantee anonymity. Hopefully the guys their can come up with something other than just their bananas to keep me happy.

Online Dating Sites