When Good Intentions Go Bad

This happened to me several years ago, when I was much younger and naive.  It has to be classified as one of those moments that are a bit mortifying at the time, but in retrospect is truly hysterical.

I was going out with a really nice guy that I had met for a few months at that time. We had moved in together, and of course were exclusive with each other. It had got to the point where we were not using condoms anymore. I mean, I was on the pill, neither of us had an STD, so why would we need them?  In any event, we had been enjoying sex for quite some time.  Looking back, I realize that he was the first person that I had oral sex with. I was only passable at it, but he was amazing. Boy could he get me off!

Somehow that was not enough for me. I was an avid reader and had read about those great orgasms that women in those books always had with their lovers. I wanted to be able to feel that sensation that they described. You see, the issue was that even though he was great at oral sex, he just had no staying power at all with conventional sex. He was just so good at the oral that I was pretty happy for the most part, but I longed for that feeling that I had read about. I mean, it just felt so good for the short time that he was in there that I was sure that my head would come off if he could last longer.

Being somewhat frustrated, and because I would not talk to anybody I knew about it, I felt compelled to take the initiative to correct the problem all by myself.  I had noticed a sex shop near where I worked, and one day I sort of skulked into the place. After a while, I approached the sales lady and explained my problem.  She smiled and said that it was very common, especially with younger men. She said that she had a numbing cream that would desensitize everything and help him to last longer. It appeared to be what I would need, so I bought it from her and took it home with me.

For the rest of the day, time dragged. I had in my hot little hands the formula that would change my sex life forever. It would move my sex life up about a hundred notches at least! I had been waiting my whole adult life for this! I was going to have the kind of orgasm that would make the gods weep, make the earth stop in its orbit, and make a fifty dollar prostitute jealous!

That night, as I was getting ready for bed, I squeezed some from the tube and applied it liberally to my pussy. I could feel the effects immediately! As I got into bed, I left no doubt in his mind that I wanted to make love with him. We kissed long and passionately, then he started to kiss me on the neck, then my nipples. I was going wild. At that point, he started to lick my pussy!

I was waiting for my usual response to his tongue, but something was wrong. It did not feel right! I was just not feeling him like normal. I kept telling him to go faster. Pretty soon I was screaming it! When I looked at him, his eyes were wide in panic. He tried to say something but all that came out was “AHHU HUAM MUHA”. He could not seem to talk! He ran to the bathroom and started to rinse his mouth out with water. In a desperate measure, he started to wash his mouth with soap, but all that did was make him gag. He still could not talk.  It took about a half hour for everything to settle down enough that he could talk.

He asked me if I knew what had happened.  When I explained my problem, he looked at me strangely and then asked to see the tube. Reading the instructions he just looked at me and shook his head. He asked me if I had read the instructions, and I said no. When he asked my why not, I said that the woman in the store told me what to do. She told me I just had to rub it on.  He said that had I actually read the instructions, I would have known to rub it on him rather than on me.  Not only that, but the instructions on the tube said that under no circumstances should you engage in oral sex!

At first I was mortified. Then I started chuckling. Of course laughing is infectious and as we both started to laugh. Pretty soon we were both rolling on the floor stark naked. It was hysterical!

Well several years have gone by, and I am a lot more worldly. As it turns out, that was not my last trip to a sex shop, but I always read the instructions completely, and do exactly as they say.  Unfortunately, our relationship did not last for very long after that night. His career took him some place I could not go. But of all the men I have loved, he is the one that I always smile about when I think of him.

You can find more humorous stories by following the link below:

Relationship Tips for Women

Vacation Sex in the Great White North

During the summer months many families and couples take their vacations in Canada because of its huge and vast beauty. However, all that beauty will invariably lead to the desire to have sex. I’ve compiled a listing of every province and territory, and an interesting place to stop for some adult fun in each. Please consult your family physician and your lawyer before attempting any of these suggestions.

Newfoundland

On the coast of Newfoundland in the Castle Hill National Historic Site, there is an old seventeenth century fort called “Placentia”. It was a fort that the French had built to fight the British, and protect their fishing rights in the Atlantic. Today, it is a well-maintained fort with lots of places to sneak away from the guided tours for a little quickie. Just don’t let them catch you, or you might be thrown into the fort’s stockade.

PEI

Prince Edward Island was the first province to complete their portion of the Trans Canada Trail. It is called the Confederation Trail in PEI, and is a beautiful hike through all sorts of Maritime ecologies. From groves to meadows to rivers and wetlands, there are many beautiful and scenic spots to stop and take some alone time. Try to find a quiet and private spot away from the main hiking path though, unless getting caught is something you’ll enjoy…

Nova Scotia

Peggy's Cove has one of the more famous lighthouses in the world. Although this quaint and cozy area has become a bit of a tourist trap, you just must see this attraction. Of course, there are many bed and breakfast places nearby to cozy up with your partner as well.

New Brunswick

For some people, a little scare can get the sexual juices flowing, as well as adrenalin.  Go to French Fort Cove in New Brunswick, where a headless Nun guides you through the halls and paths with ghost stories and real-life history of the fort. All the lights are low, to make it extra scary, and which provides a good opportunity for some discreet touching during the tour. Hopefully the nun is the only thing that is head-less.

Quebec

Quebec City is one of the oldest inhabited places in North America. It was originally colonized by the French as a fur trading post and fort before the landing of the pilgrims. The current citadel and other fortifications around the city show the military history of the site very clearly. The French culture of Quebec is most evident here. This is nothing at all like Louisiana. After you have toured a fort you can eat at one of the many fine restaurants in the city. When finished with food, you can retire to your room and see if anything else stimulates your various appetites.

Ontario

Of course when you think of Ontario, you think of Niagara Falls. One of the wonders of the modern world, this traditional honeymoon haven is a great place to pass the time, including a world class casino, and a world class marine world. See the sites, have some supper, do a little gambling, then retire to your room where you can see if good luck falls your way in another sense.


Alberta

The Cheltenham Badlands of Ontario are nothing at all when compared to the scope of what Alberta has to offer. If you are into roughing it, you’ll love the Alberta Badlands even more! There’s Brook, Alberta, where you can go digging for bones in Dinosaur Provincial Park. And if you can’t find any fossils, get yourself a private spot and dig for a different kind of bone, if you know what I mean.|For those of you who are into greener pleasures, it is hard to top Banff National Park. Located just outside of Calgary, the park starts in the foothills of the Rockies and winds through a long valley bordered by touring mountains, like Mount Eisenhower. Truly stunning in grandeur everywhere you look. Elk and Black bear wander along the side of the highway the cuts through the middle of the park. You can stay at Lake Louise and enjoy a glacier hike with world class dining. Paddle a canoe on the lake, and when you are finished paddling the canoe, you can get into some more kinky paddling with each other. 

Manitoba

Not many people know that the Harlequin Romance novel empire got its start in Winnipeg, Manitoba. You can write your own story when you visit this gorgeous province in the prairies.  Visit Churchill, Manitoba with your special lover, and while you view polar bears in their natural habitat, you can warm each other up in a snow-fort you can build yourself. Just don’t melt the roof with your heat of passion!

Saskatchewan

In the northern part of Saskatchewan is the City of Saskatoon. I typical sprawling prairie city set on the forks of two rivers, there are many attractions to see. Including the Wanuskewin Heritage Park just north of the city. This is a facility that shows the heritage of the cree Indians who are native to this area. Maybe you can convince the authorities to let you make love in one of the exhibit Teepees..

British Columbia

You have to assume that the 800 year old fir trees in Cathedral Grove on Vancouver Island have seen their fare share of everything. But when was the last time they saw a couple getting busy against their huge 250 foot trunks? Find a quiet and private tree and get wood against some wood. In 800 more years, they’ll have some interesting tales to tell the aliens that can talk to plants.

Yukon

If you’re sex partner enjoys having sex under a black light, or while their psychedelic screensaver flashes, then you’ll love the Yukon. Go north and watch nature’s light show – the aurora borealis – flash and transform over you while you have sex in the snow. Keep an eye open for bears, and bring lots of hot chocolate to keep warm when you’re finished!

NWT

If you are into architecture, then the igloo shaped church in Canada's most northerly town of Inuvik might interest you. Definitely above the artic circle, the sun never sets at all for several days in mid June. Well worth a trip to see.  Of course that means that you can make love under the sun for 24 hours straight. An interesting pastime if you have the stamina.

Nunavut

Nunavut has some interesting features. The most northerly permanent settlement in the world is Alert. It is the home of the worlds magnetic north pole.


For more cool places in Canada to visit see:
http://www.canadacool.com


And if you are reading this and annoyed that you do not have a main squeeze to take on vacation with you, then visit the following:

Dating Online



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